I Wonder How Much He Loves Me!

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By Umm ‘Aisha

I wonder how much He loves me. He never scolds me on my faults, he never punishes me, and He never says I have become bad and most of all He never tells anyone what wrongs I did.

He never lets anybody see my inner feelings. At times I am not what people think I am, he never discloses it to anyone, not even when I hurt people and disobey his commands.
Sometimes I want to unveil my bad qualities and bad habits to all those who love me, just to tell them that I don’t deserve their love, just to tell them that I am not that good as much He has made me in their eyes and then He stops me from doing this because he does not like His people to hate me, He gets angry if I expose my bad habits to others but he never gets angry if I commit any sin in solitude or when nobody is watching me, He always welcomes my repentance. When immediately after disobeying him I say “O my LORD, my true GOD, please forgive me!!” He accepts my sorry in a jiffy.

How truly He has said:

فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?
(Surah Ar Rahman 55:13)

I can never know how much blessings I have been favored with, I can’t thank Him ever!!
I wish I was not this much bad because ALLAH does not want me to be bad…but I am, with all my efforts, I am still bad, I am still a sinner, and I commit grievous sins at times.
And then again I am put to shame by my own acts, when I see my Lord always forgiving me!!
I start thinking that I don’t deserve good people, because I am not good.
But yet my ALLAH gives me more love, more loving people.
I always feel that I don’t care about anyone. Yet ALLAH gives me people who care for me a lot.
I am put to shame by my own acts, by my own words but ALLAH never leaves me alone.
I transgress His limits yet He does not punish me.

They say mothers forgive every fault of yours.
They say fathers never say NO to your wishes.
They say your siblings are your ultimate friends.
They say your family never leaves you when you are in any trouble.
But I have seen mothers who don’t forgive, and I have seen fathers who do say “NO”.
And I have seen siblings who do not bother about you, and I have witnessed many families leaving their relatives alone at the time of need.

But I have never ever heard that ALLAH does not forgive, or He says “NO” to your duaas, now I know that there is only one best friend and that is ALLAH.

And I have found Him just the same, not a single wish He denies, not a single sin that he does not forgive, not a single moment that He leaves you alone, and yet I am His servant who disobeys Him!!

Ahh….what a grievous sinner I am and what a forgiving LORD, my ALLAH is!!
Ahh….what a hateful person I am and what a loving LORD, my ALLAH is!!
Ahh….what a poor soul I am and what a benevolent LORD, my ALLAH is!!
Ahh….O man you are indeed in a loss!!
Ahh….O man you are indeed transgressing your limits!!
Ahh….O man you are really ungrateful!!

Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?
(Surah Ar Rahman 55:13)

[Courtesy: http://islamandpsychology.blogspot.com]

True Companion

By Umm ‘Aisha

alquran-life-companion-s4Today is not an ordinary hot day- today is the day when the sun is standing on my head literally.   It’s too near-just a few feet away!  My body seems to be on fire.  I am dying of thirst but there is no sign of water, and how can there be any sign of water?  All of it has gone- the oceans have been put on fire.  The map has changed.   I am hungry and tired- but with no hope to be fed today or to get any respite.  I don’t know when I got up from my deep sleep, heard the cries and started running unintentionally.  I don’t know what made everyone run in one single direction- maybe someone guided us to that direction or it was our instinct to run towards the point everyone else was running.  Every one of us is caught by huge giants with harsh faces today.  How can anyone dare question them about what is happening?  Parched throats, hungry bellies, worn-out faces, tired muscles, broken legs and questioning eyes, yet no one to help us, not even with consoling words.

It’s strange that we all are in such a pathetic condition, yet no one is asking each other about what happened- what is going on- what are we doing here- where are we heading to- and where will we end up.  Just cries, shouting, remorse, regret of what we had been doing all our lives!  Our worldly statuses are not helping us today, our educational achievements are not appreciated today, our families!  Ahh- where are they all?  Why can’t I see my mother?  My father?  Brother?  Where is my husband?  And the apple of my eyes- my kids!  I am crying my heart out now.  The feeling of loss, the hopelessness and depression has reached its zenith.  But why should I think about my family today?  I don’t love them today. They distanced me from this truth.

I need some shade ya ALLAH!  I need someone to cover me from this burning sun.  Today I need you ya Rahman, I need your intense Mercy today!  I am here calling you out- just as I did all my life.  It was only You I called for help for all my worldly problems and you always helped me, ya Mughees!  Aghisni, ya Mughees!  I am dying from this hot sun.  I am drowning in my sweat from head to toe.  You see me in this trouble- your mercy is 99 times greater today Ya Raheem!  Shower it on me.  Cover me with your mercy!

You own this earth today!  And the skies are wrapped in Your hands today!  Your help I seek, Iyyaka na’budu wa iyyaka nasta’een, Yaa Rabbal Aalameen!

I am feeling more and more desperate- why is He not listening to me? He always helped me get out from sticky situations.  I need Him today. Ya Rabbi!

I can hardly open my tearful eyes- they have swelled, they are itching, have gone red, I may lose my sight if I kept crying this way, Ya ALLAH!  Keep my eyes alive to see your radiant face; I tried to keep them away from your haraam in your Dunya Ya Rabbi!

I can open them slightly now, they are helping me to see the faces around- I can see my husband standing ten steps away from me, but he has no interest to come to me and talk to me.  I can see my son standing just there-right before my eyes- but he is busy, begging for ALLAH’s mercy for himself only.  My parents, how I wished to see them on the Minbers of Noor this day because of me!  Ahh- I loved to recite Quran-it was in my heart and also accompanied me in my grave- giving me Noor through-out.  Where is it today?

I have to search for it- but it should have come to me all by itself now.  All of a sudden, I see  birds flock coming towards me, this umbrella- who sent this? Why is it coming towards me only?

Lo!  Its Ale- Imran, I know its Ale Imran, and besides it- is Al-Baqarah- yes!  My dear Al-Baqarah.  I needed their company this day.  I needed their shades the most this time. And there comes Maryam- I loved to call Surah Maryam as only ‘Maryam’.  I knew it will come to help me this day.  And there are more- more and more Surahs, my friends are here- I am feeling relieved now.  ALLAH has listened to my Du’aas even on this day.  He has kept His promise, He has fulfilled His words.  Quran is my companion today.  Its all that I have today- and its all that I need.

Ya Rabbi! How grateful I am to You for making Quran my companion in both worlds.  How I wished to see You with the Quran in my heart. And you made it all come true. AlhamduLILLAHi Rabbil Aalameen.

Allahumma inee `abduka, ibnu `abdeka, ibnu amateka, naa `seyatee beyadika. Maa dhin feyya `hukmuka. `Ad lun feyya qa dhaa uka es aluka bekullis min huwalaka sammayta bi hi naf saka ae enzaltahu fee ketaa bika. Aw `alamtahu a `hadan min khalqika a wis ta’ thar ta behi fee `il mil ghaybe `an da ka en taj `alal qur’aaaaan na rabee’a qalbee, wa nuu ra `sadree wa jalaa a `husnee wathahaa ba hamee

O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety

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When your are at your worst

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By Bint Salman

When you are at your worst and you feel as if your heart will almost burst.

The depressing thoughts come in train and make tears fall just like droplets of rain…

You walk around wearing a skin so think

leaving an impression that nothing has happened that could reveal your poor nick ,

Then your eyes fail restraint and the tears stream down uncontrolled…

Grabbing your aching chest you find a spot where you search for solace undisturbed…

Your heart fires with a velocity high, all the complaints which you make end on..

And the dua from a heart so broken goes straight up without any barrier on…

The soul talk with Creator works wonders, through the pain it makes you get up after the surrender..

It brings you back to the sweetness of the feeling..

Were you ever alone with his words acting on your wounds causing gentle healing?

‘So surely with difficulty is ease…

Surely with difficulty is ease..

She is the woman-I want to be!

By Umm ‘Aisha

She was a wealthy business woman, noblest in the area, strongest in her character but softest from her heart. She had experienced a lot of difficulties in her 40 years of life including the death of her noble father and facing widow-ship twice. She had grown old by now, but a gem like her would need protection. She was destined for the best of all men and was now the wife of Al-Ameen.

She knew that she was honored to be his wife, but it didn’t make her proud rather it added to her beauty. A real women- as she was, she handed over her business matters to her husband and felt satisfied with the role of a simple and devoted housewife.

Though she was elder in age, yet she assisted him so well that his heart was soon hers.

She would love serving him herself, fulfilling all his needs, ensuring his satisfaction, happiness and comfort. All this was not expected from a women of such high status, but she proved herself to be an ideal wife.

Time was flying smoothly when she would sense some disturbance. Khadija’s love, the center of her life, her beloved husband– didn’t seem peaceful, his eyes would search something that he didn’t know. He was still the best to his wife and family, but he had a spiritual thirst to be quenched. She would recognize all his questions but didn’t have any answer to them. She could also feel the same void in her heart, but his pain was more than hers. He had started loosing interest in worldly matters now and Khadija, once again had to handle the business. She could read her husband’s heart beats so well that she did not need to ask him any whys, whats and hows! All that concerned her, was Muhammad’s (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) life, his protection and peace of heart.

She would guard him outside Cave Hira when he would go there out of frustration, when he needed to be alone with his Lord. She would also look after the business, the children at home and all domestic matters while Muhammad (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) would watch the House of ALLAH from the mount wondering about the “Missing Element”. She dared not to utter a single sigh on the problems she was facing because of “The Change” her husband was going through.

She was standing beside him as a firm wall, when one night he came running towards her from Hira, trembling was his tone and all he would say was “Cover me up”. She didn’t question anything before comforting him, he had something strange to tell her. It would have shocked her that her Love was near death a while ago, but all she had to do was to support him. She showed full trust in ALLAH and relaxed him by saying that ALLAH would not leave him because he had a noble character.

Understanding the scenario as a matter related to heavens, she took him to her cousin who knew the earlier heavenly scriptures.

Everything was soon clear to the worried couple. But never did they imagine of facing extreme hardships out of their empathy for the people.The sun in the form of Islam had risen to conquer the darkness, and Muhammad was chosen as the Final Messenger of ALLAH, may Peace and Blessings of ALLAH be upon him.

His thirst was quenched and he was shown the right path now.


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And He found you lost and guided [you] [93:7]

But every blessing comes with trials, so did this honor. Khadija trusted the words of her husband, accepted his Message and became the first Muslimah. She had the insight of the importance of her husband’s mission and it kept her firm on her support for Muhammad (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) The couple had to go through a list of trials only because they were delivering the True Message. She had always been the best emotional counselor for him (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) but now the need of her counseling had increased. He would come home with a heavy heart after listening to the allegations of his own people, who once used to call him As-Saadiq and Al-Ameen, and Khadija would remove all the pains and sufferings.

Situation was getting worse each day but it only added strength to the Imaan of Muhammad (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) and his followers. Khadija spent all her wealth for the cause of Islam and proved her sincerity to her husband. Her Imaan was strong enough to bear the pain of divorce for two of her daughters and the torture from the whole city. She never complained to Muhammad (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam), neither did she expressed any discomfort, she was still serving her husband as before. Her service to Islam and the Prophet (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) of Islam won her the tidings of Jannah in this world and ALLAH sent her “Salaam” from the seventh heaven. She helped the Prophet (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) all her life and her belief was strengthened by time but the whirlpools of Shaiba-e- Abi Talib worsen her health, and she died at the end of the 3 years’ boycott.

Such was the character of the beloved wife of the last Prophet (Sal Allaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam), Khadija (Radhi Allaahu ‘Anha).

May her soul rest in Peace. Aameen.

Come Back!

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By Umm ‘Aisha

Sometimes all of a sudden- life changes, from being blessed to being wretched, from being at the top of the world to becoming down-trodden. All of a sudden we start facing problems in every single aspect of our life, everything we try- we fail in it. Be it physical, spiritual, familial, social, economical, psychological- you name it.

All of a sudden we see people who once loved us- are now betraying, the business we were experts at- is severely challenged, the family which was a support- has left us on our own, the health we adored- is now worn-out, the beauty we owned- has departed, leaving us ugly. All of a sudden we- who were looked up by people are now looked down upon- ALL OF A SUDDEN?!

How come is it ‘all of a sudden’?!

We start questioning the purpose of us- being alive, as if we don’t deserve life anymore. We don’t find any aim to live up for; we lose our passions- and start drowning into the episodes of Depression- the insomnias- the low appetite- the lack of interest in all meaningful things; crying and blaming become our new personality and we end up becoming introverts.

The cycle goes on until we wake up! Wake up from the deceptive sleep, and try to find out the actual WHY!

After failing in all our efforts, tired of  always ending-up in nowhere, when all resources eventually back-out and we are in complete darkness of despair, we feel the Only open Door- that One Door which we have forgotten through-out our struggle. The Door we should have knocked in the beginning. And then we realize the truth of: There is no Might except with Al-Qadir, there is no way except with Al-Haadi, there is no comforter except The One who removes all the evil, there is no healer except Ash-Shaafi, there is no business and job except with Ar-Razzaq, and there is no love except with Al-Wadood.

And we find out the actual answer of our WHYS:

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And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind.” [20:124]

Isn’t this true? Isn’t it the ‘actual reason’? Isn’t it the correct answer to all our Whys?

Yes! It is.

But it doesn’t end here- it doesn’t increase the guilt and leaves us to commit suicide. It wasn’t because He s.w.t hates us, it wasn’t because He had disowned us when we went away from Him and it wasn’t because He had stopped loving us like the rest of the world. For He is our only Well-wisher and He explains the reason why we went into that depressive mode- why didn’t He help us out of our problems and why He wanted us to fall in all those pains-6_42

   

  And We have already sent (messengers) to nations before you, then We seized them with poverty and hardship that perhaps they might humble themselves (to Us). [6:42]

So now we know that all those hardships were to make us humble- to make us remember that only purpose for which we were created- to make us go back to the One we came from and to make us say:

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return. [2:156]

Lets then go back and repent- and cry- and feel ashamed on forgetting Him, on forgetting the purpose of our being and lets witness His Mercy again, lets enjoy His countless blessings once again and lets see how much He cares for us and how much He loves us. And also- lets not forget Him again. In sha ALLAH.

 اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا                

يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا 

وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا

Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver.

He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers

And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers. [71:10-12]

And we shouldn’t worry thinking: if ALLAH will accept us back or not- for if we are alive and if our breaths are intact, He is waiting for our ‘come-back’, for our repentance and He is ready to welcome us with all His Rehmah and blessings.

O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. [Hadith Qudsi]

The Best Day: The Day I Meet You!

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By Umm ‘Aisha

I had been waiting impatiently for this day; I had been trying to make it the ‘most special day’ of my entire existence. It’s been quite long, when I was informed of the due day and I was firstly terrified of it as I did not have any idea of preparing “best” for it, but then by time help came from ALLAH and I started preparing for it. The preparation was tough and difficult but no difficulty would stop me from thinking best for the special occasion. “How would I look that day? Where would I stand that day? How would I be sitting that day? With whom I would be chatting? Would I smile, laugh or just keep quiet? Will all eyes be on me? Will my face be among the brightest faces that day? Will my parents be proud of me? Feeling honored because of me? What would my response be, when my name will be called from the pages that are going to decide my future? Will I shiver or just hope? —and then I would think and hope best for my future home: how beautiful it would be? What comforts will it provide me? What provisions will be waiting for me? How would it look? Who will accompany me over there? How large my dwellings would be? How much gardens would it have? And what fruits would be there? How many smiles and laughers would surround me? And the most beautiful thoughts among all these would be about my meeting with my Beloved, how beautiful His face would be? How joyous that moment of meeting would be? How lucky I would feel to have seen Him? What will He talk to me about? May be of what I have been doing for Him whole of my life and what would I say: “Nothing but by Your Mercy and Grace”? How elegant His smile would be? How precious and delightful time it would be?

These are not my dreams but my expectations from my Beloved. I have not prepared enough for the final and most important meeting, but I have packed some love, fear and hope to accompany me along with the ticket of Faith (Imaan) in Him.

Now they have dressed me up for the meeting at last, and are taking me to the train I have to travel on, in this pure white dress, now I await the sound of the Call—I am aware that this Day would be extremely difficult but I await His Mercy (Rehmah), that is much more than His wrath.

Oh Allah, Bless me with a ticket from دار الغرور to دار السرور and save me from دار الشرور.

Oh Allah, make the best part of my life the last part, the best deed the last deed and the best day in which I meet You.

[Courtesy: http://islamandpsychology.blogspot.com]