By Umm ‘Aisha
Today is not an ordinary hot day- today is the day when the sun is standing on my head literally. It’s too near-just a few feet away! My body seems to be on fire. I am dying of thirst but there is no sign of water, and how can there be any sign of water? All of it has gone- the oceans have been put on fire. The map has changed. I am hungry and tired- but with no hope to be fed today or to get any respite. I don’t know when I got up from my deep sleep, heard the cries and started running unintentionally. I don’t know what made everyone run in one single direction- maybe someone guided us to that direction or it was our instinct to run towards the point everyone else was running. Every one of us is caught by huge giants with harsh faces today. How can anyone dare question them about what is happening? Parched throats, hungry bellies, worn-out faces, tired muscles, broken legs and questioning eyes, yet no one to help us, not even with consoling words.
It’s strange that we all are in such a pathetic condition, yet no one is asking each other about what happened- what is going on- what are we doing here- where are we heading to- and where will we end up. Just cries, shouting, remorse, regret of what we had been doing all our lives! Our worldly statuses are not helping us today, our educational achievements are not appreciated today, our families! Ahh- where are they all? Why can’t I see my mother? My father? Brother? Where is my husband? And the apple of my eyes- my kids! I am crying my heart out now. The feeling of loss, the hopelessness and depression has reached its zenith. But why should I think about my family today? I don’t love them today. They distanced me from this truth.
I need some shade ya ALLAH! I need someone to cover me from this burning sun. Today I need you ya Rahman, I need your intense Mercy today! I am here calling you out- just as I did all my life. It was only You I called for help for all my worldly problems and you always helped me, ya Mughees! Aghisni, ya Mughees! I am dying from this hot sun. I am drowning in my sweat from head to toe. You see me in this trouble- your mercy is 99 times greater today Ya Raheem! Shower it on me. Cover me with your mercy!
You own this earth today! And the skies are wrapped in Your hands today! Your help I seek, Iyyaka na’budu wa iyyaka nasta’een, Yaa Rabbal Aalameen!
I am feeling more and more desperate- why is He not listening to me? He always helped me get out from sticky situations. I need Him today. Ya Rabbi!
I can hardly open my tearful eyes- they have swelled, they are itching, have gone red, I may lose my sight if I kept crying this way, Ya ALLAH! Keep my eyes alive to see your radiant face; I tried to keep them away from your haraam in your Dunya Ya Rabbi!
I can open them slightly now, they are helping me to see the faces around- I can see my husband standing ten steps away from me, but he has no interest to come to me and talk to me. I can see my son standing just there-right before my eyes- but he is busy, begging for ALLAH’s mercy for himself only. My parents, how I wished to see them on the Minbers of Noor this day because of me! Ahh- I loved to recite Quran-it was in my heart and also accompanied me in my grave- giving me Noor through-out. Where is it today?
I have to search for it- but it should have come to me all by itself now. All of a sudden, I see birds flock coming towards me, this umbrella- who sent this? Why is it coming towards me only?
Lo! Its Ale- Imran, I know its Ale Imran, and besides it- is Al-Baqarah- yes! My dear Al-Baqarah. I needed their company this day. I needed their shades the most this time. And there comes Maryam- I loved to call Surah Maryam as only ‘Maryam’. I knew it will come to help me this day. And there are more- more and more Surahs, my friends are here- I am feeling relieved now. ALLAH has listened to my Du’aas even on this day. He has kept His promise, He has fulfilled His words. Quran is my companion today. Its all that I have today- and its all that I need.
Ya Rabbi! How grateful I am to You for making Quran my companion in both worlds. How I wished to see You with the Quran in my heart. And you made it all come true. AlhamduLILLAHi Rabbil Aalameen.
Allahumma inee `abduka, ibnu `abdeka, ibnu amateka, naa `seyatee beyadika. Maa dhin feyya `hukmuka. `Ad lun feyya qa dhaa uka es aluka bekullis min huwalaka sammayta bi hi naf saka ae enzaltahu fee ketaa bika. Aw `alamtahu a `hadan min khalqika a wis ta’ thar ta behi fee `il mil ghaybe `an da ka en taj `alal qur’aaaaan na rabee’a qalbee, wa nuu ra `sadree wa jalaa a `husnee wathahaa ba hamee
O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety