Dealing with Difficult People – Part 2

By Naila Naiyyar

dealing_with_difficult_people

 

7) Be kind

Try to remain quiet; be polite instead. Doing so will actually make them aware of their violent behavior.

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].” (Surah Fussilat; 41:34-35)

 

8) Don’t take it personally

Their outburst is a reflection of the conflicts they are undergoing with themselves. It might be due to their upbringing or something they are facing in life. It’s not you who is the problem. It could be their way of compensating for their inferiority complex by gaining false strength from dominating over you, and you would only be feeding it by giving in. When the situation gets tensed, leave that environment after saying something short but polite or saying nothing at all. Remember: we do not want to mirror that person’s destructive behavior and react in the same way. Even if they don’t realize their mistake at least you will have maintained your sanity and higher self.

 

9) Remain patient and stick to Salah

Allah knows what you are going through and has promised huge rewards for those who endure hardships with patience.

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah] who are certain that they will meet their Lord and that they will return to Him.” (Surah al Baqarah: 2:45-46)

“Say, “O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (Surah az Zumar; 39:10)

As Muslims we need to bring out the best in us in terms of our thoughts and actions. It may not always be easy. Look beyond this situation and into the future; you will realize that this won’t last long. Soon a phase of good times will come by and you can try your best again to stand outside the situation then and not drag yourself into it. We can use these difficult times to improve ourselves and grow.

 

10) Change your surrounding

Involve yourself in different activities and hobbies. Keep a circle of positive people around yourself so that you don’t lose your sanity. Try talking to a trustworthy person and sharing your feelings with them. It helps in releasing the negative feelings and getting another perspective. It also helps to know that you are not the only ones suffering and other people too, go through such situations.

 

11) Acceptance:

Accept that this person will not become the perfect person you wish him to be. Sometimes it’s not that the person is attacking YOU but it’s that they are going through a difficult situation or are not able to express themselves. Don’t let their ineffectiveness control you.

 

12) Give excuses

Try to understand what aggravates the other person. There surely would be an underlying issue which is what comes out as a very untoward reaction. We need to be careful before judging people too quickly and not let shaytan play with our minds.

 

13) Remember the good company you have

Think of those people who love you and would do anything to be with you, who’d love to listen to your voice, and would wait hours for a response from you.

 

How to treat difficult people

Understand that their battle is not with you but themselves. They don’t know how to deal with their emotions. Help them and advice them in a nice way. Get a neutral mediator involved. Don’t hate them. Treat them with love and mercy.  Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was always kind to people and concerned for them. It might even be that our good behavior makes them realize their mistakes and pushes them to change for the best.

Always have good hopes from Allah no matter how impossible people may seem. We need to know that difficult people are in reality, suffering, and are in need of help. They are in need of mercy and appreciation. They need our empathy and understanding. Make loads of dua as its Allah ultimately who has control over everything and is the Changer of hearts.

“He whom Allah guides is the [rightly] guided, but he whom He leaves astray – never will you find for him a protecting guide.” (Surah Kahf; 18:17)

Also, remember that even people can be a test for us so that we control our anger and be more merciful and soft. They are placed in our lives as a means for us to gain excellence in our character.

And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.” (Surah al Furqan: 25:20)

Make dua for yourself and also for those difficult people you are dealing with and never despair Allah’s Mercy.

O Allah, there is no ease other than what You make easy. If You please You ease sorrow.”

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) too faced many difficult people who did everything they could to stop him from propagating Islam so much so that they were after his life. But what examples do we see from his life? We find him to be forgiving, contented, yet never always having a smiling face and not getting distracted from his mission or from any of his responsibilities.

 

What if you are the one who is difficult?

Look up for the signs of difficult people mentioned in the first part of this series and analyze your personality against each. You need to realize that it is ok to be corrected by others and to accept their opinions.  There might be a possibility that people react negatively only due to your own inabilities of handling situations the right way.

Look at situations through the eyes of the other. What is his personality, how does he perceive this situation and why is he reacting this way? Just like you like to be valued and given importance, the other too expects the same from you.

Increase your tolerance level and take things easy. Give others space to an extent wherein you allow them to respond to situations in ways different from what you expect. Not everyone will agree with what you we say or do, so to be fair you too must be flexible and compromising. There can be more than one way to do things. There might be other views than ours and it’s ok to respect, accept and follow them.

Sometimes we don’t realize our own shortcomings because nobody told us of our weaknesses. Nobody tells us that we are wrong to avoid being in our bad books.

Hence if someone advices us even if through hints alone – do take it instead of being offended and always recite the dua of Yunus (May Allah be pleased with him):

There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers.(Surah Al-Anbiya; 21:87)

 

Visit our blog to read the first part of this series.

1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Dealing with Difficult People – Part 1 | Ar-Rajaa The Hope Counseling Service

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